How to Write a Eulogy — A Guide for Those Who've Never Done It

Most people asked to deliver a eulogy have never written one before. Many say yes before they've thought about what it actually involves. That's okay. The fact that you were asked means you knew this person in a way that matters — and that's the only qualification required.

A eulogy isn't an obituary. It isn't a biography. It's a living memory, shared aloud. It's the story of a person through the eyes of someone who loved them.

How long should a eulogy be?

A typical eulogy runs between 3 and 5 minutes when spoken aloud — roughly 400 to 700 words on the page. Five minutes is a long time to stand up and speak while grieving. Three minutes is not too short. What matters is that every sentence means something.

If you're finding it hard to cut down, remember: people don't need to know everything. They need to feel something.

Where to start — before you write a word

The writing comes later. First, give yourself space to remember.

Sit somewhere quiet and spend 20 minutes thinking about the person — not their whole life, but the specific, particular things that made them who they were. The phrases they used. The way they laughed. The thing they were most proud of. The thing that used to drive everyone crazy. The way they made you feel.

Write your answers down, however they come — scattered, imperfect, in note form. You're not writing yet. You're remembering.

A simple structure that works

You don't need to be a writer. A eulogy that follows a simple, honest structure is almost always more powerful than one that tries too hard.

Opening (30–60 seconds)

Introduce yourself briefly — who you are and how you knew the person. Then land somewhere specific: a memory, an image, a line that's true. Not a generic statement. Something real. "Mum never met a stranger" is more powerful than "Mum was a kind person."

The middle (2–3 minutes)

Two or three moments, memories or qualities — not a comprehensive life summary. Choose things that are specific and true. A short story that shows who they were is worth more than a list of their achievements. This is where the room will feel most connected to you.

Closing (30–60 seconds)

End somewhere that feels like an exhale. What do you want people to carry out of the room? A line about what they meant. A thank you to them, spoken directly. Something that feels like goodbye.

Writing it down

Write more than you need. Get it all out without editing. Then cut it back to what's most true and most essential. Read it aloud — this is the most important step. What sounds fine on the page can be hard to say. What feels too long always is too long.

Time yourself. A page of A4 in a 12-point font is roughly 2 minutes of speech. Mark where you'll pause. Underline the lines that matter most — these are the ones to keep if you need to cut.

Then read it aloud again. And again. The more familiar the words, the easier they will be to deliver when the moment comes.

What to do if you can't get through it

You may cry. You almost certainly will. That's not a failure — it's human. There are a few things that help.

• Practise in front of someone else. Saying it aloud to another person breaks the private, internal nature of grief and makes the public act less jarring.
• Have a backup person. Tell someone — the celebrant, a family member — that if you can't continue, they have permission to take over. Simply knowing there's a safety net makes it less frightening.
• If you stop, stop. Take a breath. Drink water. The room will wait. No one wants you to rush.
• If you genuinely cannot deliver it on the day, ask the celebrant to read it on your behalf while you stand alongside. Your presence still matters. The words will still land.

What makes a eulogy memorable

Not eloquence. Specificity. The detail that no one outside the family knows. The nickname. The habit. The way they squeezed your hand. The thing they said to you that you've never told anyone.

A eulogy that tries to summarise a whole life in five minutes will always fall short. A eulogy that captures one true thing will stay with people for years.